Have you seen these assholes?

…they’ll forget to give you a ride home… from New Jersey!

Anamnesis.

Story One: Second night in New York.  Halloween. Running around screaming Limp Bizkit’s version of “Faith.” Relatively waisted.  Arrive at Franny’s haus somewhere I still to this day can not recall.  Walk in and find a place to sit.  No one looks familiar.  Get stopped in this odd railroad apartment by a young woman wearing nothing but dirty underwear and a tank top to match.  She sits down awkwardly spreading her legs. She obviously wants me to see her pubic hair.  Jessica’s holding my hand.  This girl wants us to be in her new film she’s working on.  She tells us we’d be perfect for the main role.  This femme surfer back in the 60′s who shows up all the boys.  She kept repeating this.  Maybe there wasn’t really anything else to the story.  I’m kinda fixated on this creature as she slurs her words.  I like the way she articulates things.  Jessica’s gone.  A deep feeling of darkness comes over me. I know something bad is going to happen.  She’s holding my hand.  The girl. This girl I don’t know in front of me.  I start to look uncomfortable.  I know she sees it in my posture. She then grabs my hand tighter, tugging at my fragile skin.  She has me, my nimble, drunk legs trying to fight her off.  My hand on the upper part of her chest trying not to fall onto the bed she most desperately wants me on.  She then screams “FUCK ME I’M GG ALLIN, BITCH!” I ran like the house was on fire.  A woman hasn’t made me feel that way since haha.

When I’m stuck in my head like this…

Danielle’s gone.  One by one, I’m gonna watch em leave.  I’m only listening to Mikal Cronin.  And PSI COM. ha. Clearing the air.  Kitty puked by my head while I was sleeping.  On purpose? Considering moving back to SF. Invisible, upside down rectangle hearts lightning bolt.

Young Ones.

Just got home from a Failures (ex- Cut the Shit, Charles Bronson members etc.) show.  Although they were good, I have to stay home from going to shows all the time.  It’s a lot of fn money. Sometimes you just can’t help yourself in this city.  It’s so random and good in a music sense.  Otherwise you have to do what I did today and get the fuck out of this town.  (Sleepy Hollow). Radiating, heat, iron will that would love to kill us all. Ride your bike and get over it. My muscles are weak.

Can’t stop listening to Eggplant.  Thanks to Adam(Icoulddietomorrow) for supplying it to my ears.  Witches. Crimpshrine, P.S. Eliot, Sourpatch, Weed Hounds, Shannon and the Clams, Black Tambourine, Whorl, Ramones -The Chinese Wall, (one of the best recordings I’ve heard), Transmitters, Hans-A-Plast, everything on this old tape I have (finding out it belongs to an old friend in Texas, I was shocked!), Crazy Spirit, Death First!(who I always miss), Easter Vomit, Nude Beach, Nuclear Family… I’ll think of more. Just stuff I’m stuck on. If you ever want a playlist done for you that’s, I think, almost 2 hours…Go to Record Hospital. Put it on in the mornin.  Makes me wake up right.  Show is deceased though, but they had a good run. Life would be easier if I preferred one genre over another.  Then I could be a pompous asshole about it. But I fear there are waaayyy to many of those folks.

Everyone these days is losing it.  Is it just me? In one way or another half of us don’t know what to do. We’re lost in this terrible, confusing purgatory before we figure out our fate.  The other half is cool and comfortable in their stability.  Which is nice.  I wish I expressed that same feeling. It seems as if some of us make decisions to actually do something and the others follow.  We’re just waiting for the final verdict.  I don’t wanna follow this time.  I’m gonna be a leader haha… to a lone state? Where’s that?

Friends, man… I’m gonna miss them so much.

Welcome to the neighborhood. (Shit)

Woke up really early to get home.  A small jet plane to Barcelona and then 3 movies later on a plane to New York.  I really didn’t think we’d ever make it back.  The idea of home, and the fact that now I call New York home is definitely weird… and nice.  Some of the text describes my frustration.  And may not reveal my happiness when there was some.  But they’re honest. But going to shows again and in my habitat.  Looking forward to Chaos in Tejas at the end of may and a trip up to Maine with Nate.  Now about that job thing…

I Just got back from Spain!!! I was gone for 3 weeks and let me tell you how nice it is to strike up a good ol’ All-American conversation haha. I really did miss the place.  Brooklyn’s home man. And that bed? on the floor in our awesome apartment.  But I got off the plane with messages and text messages to listen to/read.  Thanks Nate for the effort.  No really.  I would have done the same thing.  But came right back into shows and birthdays. Spain Journal coming sooon… ooh and pictures!

I haven’t been around… anywhere.

Well I’ve been spending lots of time.  Inside outside.  My mind is elsewhere.  They say I’m losin it but that’s just fine.  I just want to lose it. Throw it.  Blow it. Chuck it.  Ok thats enough.  I want to quit my job.  I don’t want it in my eyesight any longer.  They are honestly honest people.  But the idea of it.  I don’t want to participate in it.  I don’t want to participate whatwitchsoever.

Always pushing against the opposite sex.  Maybe I was supposed to be a boy. My twin switched places on me for free. I deserve what comes to me.  I’ve been ruthless.  When there was to be compassion.

I spend time in different dimensions.  Slowly getting slithered back by the snakes tongue.  I’m impressionable.

In the most absurd places is where my mind spends time with the space caddette.  Blurry suspense.

Everyone around you is crazy. Get up and leave! They don’t know what second hand poison they’re spoiling.  I’m breathing your gobbldygook.  And I’m done breathing.

Changing to a different thinker.  The later things seem so trivial.  Would I really worry about what i said?

Sometimes I’m just yelling at myself to not get distracted!  To not get distracted by the bullshit this life has to offer.  I have to remind myself to stay afloat. Not on the ground.  Otherwise I’ll be slurped up like chicken noodle soup.  Don’t eat me I taste like tofu.

I got on a bus to Boston the other day.  I got some vegan pizza and some beer. It’s really cheap to go, there are a lot of people who attend.  So I think the gas/people ratio is pretty economical. I think I’m gonna get on a train… and never come back. No just kidding.  But where is that train if I ever wanna do that. Harry.

So my goal is to write until the entire page is filled with my gobbldygook but we’ll see how that goes. And yes gobbldygook is a real word. My mind wont stop walking. So I make it take some music for the road. Here’s  what Ive been listening to…

The Replacements-Let it be was purchased by me. You’re my favorite thing.  I also can’t get the Outcasts out of my fucking head.  They make me really feel like I have feelings and that I should ache over them. I really am self consious over… well, a lot of things haha but thats just not an option anymore.  The Darks, Chemical Warfare. The Mob, Witchhunt for Jess.  The Berlin Express. Some good post punk I found.  I sit at Academy off 1st ave. for a bit here and there. Cory picks shit out for me.  This is what he found.  Tangorodrim.  I think they’re a L.A. black metal band. They’re more like black punk. I don’t know if that’s a genre but maybe I just made one.  A racist one. Shit. They are really good.  I kinda wanted it to be my first black metal record but I was advised against it.  That I should try and find a Hellhammer one. I saw Until the Light takes Us.  I thought it was pretty good.  maybe some more music could have been played? Oh and it could just have never ended.  Fenriz is awesome.  And so is Count Grishnackh. Just go ahead and kill eachother.  But it’s true. Burzum’s first records are unbelievable. But anyways, Negative Plane was cool, okay, I liked it, maybe.  I might have to listen to it again.  I really liked this girl, I think she’s from Paris and is on In the Red records.  Lili Z.  She’s noisy, dark, and rambunctious.  I like her. And I believe she recorded everything herself?  Don’t count on me.  The Victims.  “I WANT HEAD TILL IM DEAD.” What an anthem.  Everyone should live by that.  Where would I be? Where would you be without Bowie? Johny, I’m only dancing.  Beast of beast.  The Avengers “its the american in me that makes me watch t.v.” Abbrassive Wheels. Mono.  Suicide Commandos”attacking the beat.” MAKE A RECORD.Wipers “same old thing.” I’m also a Some Girls, Rolling Stone abuser.  I’ve listened to it twice.  I just want summer to come already what the fuck! I want to be driving on the freeway in a Cadi, windows down with the one I love blasting Beach Blvd. and goin to the beach!  Is that really to much to ask? Scratch Acid JUST KEEP EATING.  I need to look up record stores in Harlem. I want to find a cute old man to hang out with all day and pick out 45′s with me.  Fantasy.  I made a tape with a friend.  He wasn’t kidding when he said Townes Van Zandt makes beautiful things. Fare thee well Miss carousel.  The Sparks.  The Feelies.  GISM. Pere Ubu.  Holy shit they’re good.  I have a million more to talk about but I’m raising my white flag in the air and saying goodnight cause I didn’t go to a show tonight so I’d sleep.  What good that was.

Today, our house smells like peanut butter and cigarettes.

Sooo… MRR has saved my life.  I got super amped after reading this months issue in the wee hours of the morning and woke up deciding that I needed to go find some good shit. Sadly, I was was looking for Dezerter, the song is called Kolaboracja.  Man it’s good.  I’m sure I’ll never be able to find it unless I go to ??? I forget where they’re from, Stockholm?  I may be way off. But I made a friend at the record store.  So at least it wasn’t a trip for nothn.  I did on the other hand get some good surf instrumental made by two Japanese fellows called Los Wakamonos.  And I listened to this band called Mawors.  It’s noisy good.  Look for em and listen to them.

Oh yeah, Jessica turned 21! Here’s the last hours of her birthday.  I almost forgot to get her a cake.  But I always come through. You’ll see.

And the Triggs made their way to New York.  Here’s Kyle getting a  be be thats been stuckin his hand for over months out of his hand with a plastic fork.

I feel like I have a lot to say but am too happy to elaborate.

I miss all my god damn friends too much! I can say that much.

I just started listening to Full of Fancy. Girl noise.  Good stuff.

I’ve been reading the dictionary.

It’s been my bestfriend.  I’ve been so scattered.  But I’m alive, eventhough I don’t feel like it.  I feel like I’m workin for the man as Roy would put it.  The time I do have off I’m trying to make up for it.  When I get off of work nothing’s open that I would like to attend.  Stop complaining, but I can’t stop complaining.  I keep looking for things that are familiar to me.  I need to stop doing that.  Comfortable. 

This is where I’ve been.  Exploring the streets and people of New york.  This city’s a beast.  Swallowing you like hungry, drooling thieves.  You sometimes feel like you’ll never get out alive.  But am I better off in the candle lit stomache I call home?

I’ve been reading too much Mr. Robinson.

Showtime.

Went to this show last night alone.  I’m like Katie (no offense). I kind of liked it.  Everyone stares at you and wonders whats wrong with you. But it was pretty good but American Cheeseburger got a new singer.  He was okay.  Brian came over.I just like things this way. Or that way.